Dead Snow and Regret

So, I went to the Roxie last night and saw the Norwegian movie "Dead Snow". In truth, I was not exactly sure what to expect - but with the tag line "Ein, Zwie, DIE!", how could I resist. In truth, it was a fun little film in the style of an "Evil Dead II". There were a lot of funny moments and lines, and, all-in-all, I really enjoyed the film. I won't go into too much detail, but I think that I can highly recommend this film. Was it great? No. Was it a fun Nazi-Zombie-Comedy-Gore-Fest? Hell, yes. 'Nuff said.

The day before, we went to the Samurai exhibition at the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco. And here is where the regret comes in. I had a wonderful time at the exhibit - virtually all of the samurai relics were from the Hosokawa dynasty (I believe that these are all from the old Higo province, if my knowledge of Japanese history and Nobunaga's Ambition serves me correctly). It was a fascinating look at an interesting piece of cultural history. What I really liked the most were the older charcoal brush painting and calligraphy. The swords and armor were all well and good, and I did enjoy seeing them, but the artwork is something that has always fascinated me.

Charcoal and water are terribly difficult to work with as a medium. They are completely unforgiving, and any mistake is glaringly obvious. (Trust me, I've tried to do this, and I keep trying - it is tough.) You have to commit fully to each brush stroke and you also have to have in mind exactly what the piece of art should look like before putting brush to page. In essence, the whole picture is contained in the first brush stroke. So as an art form, this is particularly intellectually engaging to me.

But further than this, it is an art form that engages me on an emotional level - in many (not all) cases. I find the intellectual concept of one well-defined, decisive stroke creating an artistic impression to be intensely moving. I do not get this response from many painting styles - either I am incapable of appreciating them, or they are so far out of the scope of my affordability range that I will suppress any emotional response so I do not experience the regret at not being able to get that response by regularly interacting with that piece of art. For me this emotional response is not just limited to visual art, but it is also a way that I interact with some music. For example, I am huge fan of the band, Rush. My favorite rush album is "Counterparts" - an album that came out in 1993 (I know that this I might be the only Rush fan to say that, but for me, this album is intensely moving). I actually get chills just thinking about listening to the album - it does that much to me every time I listen to it.

This is an uncommon phenomenon for me - as a result of lifelong struggles with mood disorders, I have spent years suppressing and managing my emotional responses. It is very difficult for me to get legitimately excited or frightened; this is one of the reasons I gravitate things like the horror genre, thrill rides, rock climbing, combat sports, etc. So when I encounter a piece of art that moves me in this way, I generally will want to purchase it, especially if the art is within my means. The piece that I saw at the museum store had a price tag of $350, well within my price range (I have $400 set aside for blackjack in my upcoming Reno trip, and I would have gladly used this instead of playing blackjack with it). Supergoober and ntt's brain both advised that I sleep on it and having done that for two days, all I am experiencing is regret at not purchasing this piece.

Was it overpriced? Probably... it was for sale at a museum store - the markup was probably 1.5 to 3 times what it would have sold for in a gallery. Would this have been worth it to me? Absolutely. I think, given my normally rational approach to things, my friends simply assumed that I was succumbing to an impulse buy kind of phenomenon. I do not begrudge them this - they clearly had my best interest at heart. That they do not know this about me is, again, my fault. I have not taken the time to discuss these matters with them - it can be difficult to discuss my emotional states as being overly managed because of a tendency of mine to overreact - these are just not topics that come up in everyday conversation. So, first, I would like to apologize for not revealing this aspect of myself, and second, I am going to go back and see if I can get a hold of this piece ... hopefully I do not get more disappointment and regret.

Again, thanks, guys, for looking out for me, and my apologies for not really explaining what was going on.