Well, this just sucks...

I had a terrible night last night, and just as bad a day today. Last night I got the phone call that no teacher ever wants to receive. Apparently that afternoon, one of my students died. Whether or not it was a suicide is still not technically resolved.

Anyway, of course, I have difficulties in dealing with this, but I think I did a decent job of helping my class process the event, and I had some counselor and campus ministry referals in the process. This isn't the first time this has happened in my career, and though I pray it will be the last, I know that that is unlikely as well.

And if you know me, you know that I am the type who keeps a close eye on his students, and I look for issues of depression, angst, eating disorders, and all the other various things that plague the mental health of teenagers. I just did not see this coming at all, but I also know that people who are depressed can get very good at hiding it, but she really seemed like a very normal sophomore girl. I always wonder if there was something more I could have said or done, and while cognitively I understand that this response is illogical, that does nothing to dull the pain.

I haven't decided yet what to do about her seat in class, and I think we will have to talk about that at some point in the near future. There is not too much worse than the elephant in the room of a student's empty seat, and I have the kids partnered up all the time; it has already been tough on the friend who was her partner in class, but she got to talk to her counselor today.

I don't know what else to say, but I feel like crap right now, and I don't see that changing really soon.